Poo Poo

Comment sa previous post...

I could have posted that years ago, matagal na rin naman kaming wala. 2 years? 3 years? I can't remember, but the feeling is still haunting me. Up to now, I still see myself spending time with her. It's weird.

sometime mid 2005.

We have decided not continue it, I prioritized my studies because I wanted to graduate. I wanted to get a good job, I wanted to earn a lot so I could give her a comfortable life, with me by her side. I promised that I will be back, right after our graduation.

We continued dating though, but with less expectation, less time for each other, less everything. She had boyfriends, all of them resembled at least a part of me.

Last quarter, 2006

She asked me out, we went to a mall in Mandaluyong. We were so happy then, as if we were still together. Admittedly, I still feel something for her. During our so called “date”, my heart kept on screaming, trying to tell me something that I knew is wrong.

We went home. She cried. I cried. She cried for she doesn’t want to see me again. I cried because I missed her. I missed her a lot. I was so happy, I can’t explain why. Do I still love her? Or am I just missing her company?

I tried to win her back though, I even asked her if she could keep me. But she’s in a relationship, and she loves the guy. I asked her if she still loves me, she told me that it will be unfair. Why?

First month, 2007

She asked me again for another date, to attend mass perhaps, and go to a mall. I didn’t reply because I had very erratic schedule then.

Two days prior to our second “date”, she cancelled it. She said that she was sorry for not waiting for me. Because she thought I left her for good. And she was hurt, so hurt. She said she’s setting me free. She wants me to be happy. And she doesn’t want to see me anymore. *Stunned

I cried for almost a hundred nights.

I was so hurt that I didn’t want to see her again. I started my own life. I applied for a job where I will be meeting a lot of people... because I wanted to move on.


Mid 2007

We saw each other accidentally after months of tears. I was with my highschool barkada, she was with her boyfriend. I was looking at her but she didn’t even dare to set her eyes on me. But I was so cool then, without a single sign of jealousy.

*Bubble thought* “I did it. I was able to move on. I was able to start a new life alone. And I am happy.”

Two days after, we YM-ed.

I told her how happy I am for her.

I told her that I am happy now, alone.

After hours of chitchatting, we’ve decided to grab a cup of coffee somewhere in Cainta. Nagkita kami, nagkwentuhan, nagtawanan.

Now, I don’t know what to say, the communication is again, open.

I would like her to meet a new me... a more matured and responsible me. I don’t want to ruin her life with her current partner. I want to be a gentleman.

I am afraid that I will fall for her again.

But I don’t want to buy that idea and I want us to be friends… just friends.

But I can’t help it.